I've been thinking for awhile about reviving the blog. Something about the self-centered nature of blogging, and the line you can ride between angst and reality is calling me back. Also, my mother-in-law has Alzheimer's disease, and we live with her (and my father-in-law). One of her most prominent symptoms is false memories, or delusions, which for her are totally plausible and real. I find myself wanting to record these stories, snippets. If I weren't "in it" they would be so interesting. I want to revisit them later maybe, when it doesn't feel like I'm drowning.
This is a different situation that other dementia patients I have been around. Namely, my maternal grandmother, who had mini-strokes, and my maternal grandfather who had dementia toward the end of his long life. My MIL (mother in law) was so young when she was diagnosed - only 62.
It was March or April of 2014, and she and I had just returned from a trip to South Africa (her home) where we rendezvoused with her sister. What a trip! At the time, we didn't know it was Alzheimer's. "Mild Cognitive Impairment" is what the doctor was calling it. It didn't seem mild to me, her travel companion, who had herded her across oceans for days to get her back to the beaches of Umhlanga and Durban. She got lost on the plane on the way over. After traveling for literally a day, I fell asleep for about 30 minutes, and just like that, she was gone. When I woke up, I looked around for her, feeling a bit frantic, but telling myself that she was probably in the bathroom. I timed 15 minutes, long enough for her to have gone in, and come back out of the "loo." When she didn't return, I reluctantly rose to speak to the flight crew. After explaining to them my situation, that I was traveling with my MIL who might be slightly confused, one of them perked up and said, "Yes! A white haired lady with hair about to here?" He pantomimed hair down to his chin. When I nodded yes, he said, "But she seemed like she knew what she was doing."
She was brought back to me from business class, where she had been casually sitting, wondering where I was - all the while I was still crammed back in coach.
That seems like a lifetime ago. Since then I have had a baby boy and several break downs. My baby is one year old now, and in some ways I wish I had been blogging the whole time. Living with a person with Alzheimer's disease and a new baby was the most terrifying year of my life. However, there have also been moments of great joy, and hilarity. My MIL is one of the most witty people I have ever known, and this trait remains in her, popping out when I need it the most.
What will hopefully follow will be an account of life now, living with in-laws, one of whom has mid-stage Alzheimer's disease, with a husband finishing a PhD.(mine, not her's) and a one-year-old baby boy. The title of this blog is still applicable, and I will slip it back on like a well-worn sweater. I am still just waking slowing. Whatever that means. I will attempt to record some of the delusions that my MIL has, not to make fun, or be mean spirited, but partly because I need share about them, and partly because I want to remember them. I also want to record ways in which she is still very much here with us. She is fiercely protective of her children and grandchildren, and loves them with an enduring sort of love that is beautiful to behold.
Anyway, for now, the baby is up from nap (45 minutes ug!) so....more to come.
