I like to get up before everyone else in the house. I have to, it's survival. I have never never never been a morning person. I am not cheerful in the morning. I am sluggish until my second cup of coffee has been drained slowly. This morning, I accidentally snoozed my alarm from 6:30 until 7:50, I think mostly because I was having a dream about trying to wear roller skates on roads while obeying the driving laws in a country where they drive on the "other" side. Actually, that's a pretty good analogy about how I feel in life these days. I have no idea how to be a caregiver to both a one year old and a person with Alzheimer's disease, but I'm doing it, because this is life right now.
This morning, I was happy to realize at 7:55 that no one else was up yet save for one of our two dogs. She followed me out to the kitchen where I started the Keurig machine brewing my giant cup of coffee. I watched the liquid pour into the cup, then slowly began to fill the water carafe when suddenly there was a human behind me. MIL realized that she gave me a fright, and started giggling. The following story was the source of her giggles. It does not make sense, but I am going to try to record it as it happened (omitting names, as always). Absolutely none of it is true. This was my first human interaction of the day.
MIL: FIL threw out a huge container of soup yesterday that S made! She brought it over because she has worked out how to make a soup that makes you go to the bathroom.
Me: Oh, maybe you're thinking of the chicken soup that I made. He threw that out yesterday because it was old.
MIL: No! S brought over a HUGE container of this soup. I guess you told her that you were having trouble, or that baby was. Anyway, Dr. J said he was really impressed with S's soup last time we went in to talk to him. He said that she formulated it to help people who wanted to try something before they get enemas.
Me: Wow!
MIL: Yes! And now FIL threw it out into the yard, because he dipped one finger in it and tasted it and said it tasted funny.
Me: Well, there are going to be lots of squirrels with diarrhea running around the yard.
MIL: And the dogs! We'll have to watch them! S specially made this soup so that it would help people who need to go. The doctor said she was a little off the mark though. She also teamed up with P to make food for prostitutes. P makes cookies with something in them that helps fight venereal diseases.
Me: Wow!
MIL: Yes! And S is making soup for the prostitutes because they sometimes just don't take care of their bodies very well, and that can make them sick, and they need to go.
Me: Well, I'd better go get the other dog up and let her out to pee.
fin
I hope my interactions with MIL don't come off as disrespectful or mean spirited. All the books, and I have read SO many, say that you shouldn't contradict the person who has Alzheimer's disease, but rather enter their reality. I still can't totally do that, but I try sometimes. To enter a reality where cookies can cure v.d. and squirrels lap up ex-lax soup in the yard. It's a sort of bizarro Alice in Wonderland don't you think? And that story was already crazy as.
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